


Body Memory

by GovernorKristique



Series: Spliced [1]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:07:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27639317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GovernorKristique/pseuds/GovernorKristique
Summary: "it's you".Joan has lost all memories of who Vera Bennett was, but her body remembers. There must have been something special about their relationship, right? Freakytits returns, but not in a way we'd expect.
Relationships: Vera Bennett/Joan Ferguson
Series: Spliced [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020913
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Body Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This story picks up right after the iconic "it's you" scene between Joan and Vera in Season 8. This is where I hoped the story might go! First time writing fanfic :)
> 
> I refer to Joan/Kath as Joan in this fic, and references to her previous self will be referred to as "Ferguson". 
> 
> First chapter in a series in progress exploring what a Freakytits relationship might look like between "Kath", Vera, and Joan.

Vera felt the anger rising in her chest with every loud step of her worn heels on the cold concrete. She had had enough of Ferguson playing her colleagues, and she would not be made a fool by this psychopathic sadist yet again. As Joan gently tucked away her beloved goldfish behind a stack of books, Vera burst into her cell. “Where’s the phone?! Where is it? If you don’t give it to me now, I will have this cell tossed.” Vera glared into Joan’s eyes, demanding respect and compliance. Joan stared intently into Vera’s tired eyes, and gently whispered, “It’s you.”

“What?” A confused Vera had no idea what Joan was on about.

“It’s you.”

Vera’s heart began pounding. Surely Joan couldn’t possibly know that she was technically an accomplice to Mr. Jackson’s attempt to do away with the cruel woman...although, even if she didn’t know, Joan had an almost supernatural ability to smell guilt and shame. “What is me?” Vera demanded, exasperated.

With a lump in her throat, Joan swallowed the tears she could feel welling up in her dark eyes “Do you know what it’s like to be alone?” Real nice Joan, Vera thought as she rolled her eyes. “Real loneliness...not having a connection with another human being, not knowing who your friends are, your family...it’s like...it feels like floating in space...untethered. Abandoned. Just surrounded by nothing-

Frustrated, Vera interrupted, “Okay, I don’t know what you’re playing at-”

Joan continued, paying no attention to the interjection, “Except for a single point of light...just this, this gut certainty that there is something in my life of value and meaning, that’s real.” Joan looked desperately into Vera’s eyes and took a small step forward. Vera instinctively stepped back, and tried to ignore her racing heart. What the fuck is she going on about? “And it was always there, it was just like a...um...it was like a pulse, a number.” Vera watched as Joan’s finger twitched. With every movement, Vera’s anger slowly turned into an anxious dread.

“And I didn’t know what it was, or what it meant, I mean I just knew, I just knew that it was really important to me…” Joan paused, searching for meaning in Vera’s hardened face.   
She couldn’t figure out who Vera was to her. If Ferguson had done all of those horrible things to Vera, why did she feel so enthralled by the younger woman who seemed to hate her so much? Vera was clearly a beautiful woman, but the fluttering in her stomach made her wonder how the former Ferguson felt about the small woman in front of her. While these memories were lost somewhere in Joan’s mind, the warmth she felt in her chest was a sign: Ferguson had obviously cared about Vera in some kind of way, and Joan needed to know what this meant.   
Nervously, she continued, “...that this number connected me to something…to someone, who could connect me to who I am, and who could...who could release me from this.” Joan looked pleadingly into Vera’s eyes that got wider with every word. Vera blinked and resisted the urge to bite her bottom lip. She was terrified to know where Joan was going with this, but was determined to hold the power in this cell. 

“It was you.”

Vera froze. She truly doesn’t remember, does she? Vera stared in awe at the tall woman before her. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, or how to feel. Who was this person? Had Joan created this new “Kath Maxwell” persona from nothing but her imagination? Is this the person that Joan truly was before her descent into sadistic madness? She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, she could see Joan’s hands shaking. 

“Ms. Bennett...who were we? I can’t remember all of the terrible things you said I did to you. I can’t remember being the governor of this place, or a prisoner either. But I have this feeling, that you must have meant a great deal to me. There’s a sense of…” Joan paused, not knowing how to make sense of the heaviness in her heart and the aching in her arms to hold Vera close. “...you give me a sense of comfort, and responsibility.”   
Vera swallowed. She couldn’t do this. She crossed her arms as her muscles tensed. “We were nothing. Before you got yourself locked up, you were the governor and I was your deputy. You probably just feel ‘responsible’ for the many fuck-ups I apparently made under your supervision.” 

Tears swelled in Joan’s eyes as she shook her head. “I-I can’t….I can’t remember that Ms. Bennett. I’m so sorry for what Ferguson did to you. I can’t understand why I...why she did those things, and I know I can’t make up for them. But there must have been more than that. Something else. I just...I have this feeling that Joan cared for Vera very much.” Joan looked down as she wiped away the tears rolling down her cheek with her teal sleeve.

Vera flinched at the sound of her name coming out of Joan’s mouth. Letting her arms fall to her sides, she tightly gripped the bottom of her jacket to quell the shaking in her hands. “And what makes you think that Joan? If you don’t remember shit about anything else, why should I believe any of this now?” 

Joan’s bottom lip began to quiver as she looked away from the officer’s angry gaze. She had long since given up hope that Vera might call her Kath. She sat down on the edge of her bed; gripping the side for some sense of stability. With her feet planted on the floor, she stared straight ahead at the cold cement. Vera put her hands on her hips and stepped forward, taking advantage of the opportunity to tower over the woman who broke her heart.

Joan took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to explain it. Ferguson’s memories are gone but my body remembers. You’re just...you’re just so…” she struggled to find the words. “You’re just so small, and any time you’re near me I have to stop myself from holding you and pulling you close. My back stiffens up anytime someone speaks rudely to you, and I feel this tingling in my hands; this urge to do something. There’s this...this burning rage that takes over my body when I see you being treated poorly. I feel the need to protect you Ms. Bennett.”   
Vera began to unclench her jaw and relax the tension in her shoulders. She tried to keep her composure and maintain the authority in the room, but she was yearning to understand where Joan was going with this. What does she know?

Joan propped her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands as a small smile crept across her lips. “I hate calling you ‘Ms. Bennett’, you know. I don’t mean any disrespect, but I have to catch myself every time I address you. It just...doesn’t feel right. You’re...Vera.” Joan said softly as she looked up at the visibly stricken governor. Vera opened her mouth ready to protest, as Joan quickly stood up. She no longer looked confused or scared anymore. She gazed into Vera’s eyes with an alarming intensity, and the officer suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable, as if the Russian beauty was seeing directly through her. 

“I feel butterflies in my stomach at the mere sight of you. My body shivers when you speak quietly to me, even if you’re angry. I find everything about you beautiful. Your kind eyes, the loose curls of your hair, your soft lips.” Joan stopped abruptly and tried to collect herself. Vera let her arms rest at her sides as she stared, and waited. Joan sighed and cautiously stepped towards Vera, never breaking her intense gaze. “I don’t know what this all means, but I know there’s something there. I can’t remember what we did, or what we said, but I feel it in my body and I know it deep in my core.” Joan slowly reached for Vera’s hands and stepped forward to close the space between them. Surprising even herself, Vera let her. She looked up and searched the older woman’s dark eyes. This may not be authoritative Governor Ferguson, or the cunning Prisoner Ferguson looking down at her, but Vera recognized the familiar soft glimmer in her eyes that once made her weak in the knees.

“Joan was in love with you. You meant everything to her. And while she’s disappeared, those feelings haven’t. I care about you...and I want you Vera.”


End file.
